|
1.
Introduction:
Dance etiquette is a set of guidelines that help us navigate the
social dimensions of dancing.
Why do we care about dance etiquette? Because it is nice to know
how to go about in the dancing circles. It makes the difference
between having a happy or unhappy dancing experience, the difference
between people wanting, or not wanting to dance with you.
2.
What to Wear?
3.
Protocol:
Dancing has its own culture. If you want to join a group of dancers
and enjoy their company, it is a good idea to follow the accepted
costums of their dance group. One of the ways you get accepted into
a group is by the way you're dressed.
How formally should we dress at a dance? The general rule is this:
the more formal the dance, the more formal the outfit. For example,
if you are invited to a formal charity ball, anything less than
a tuxedo for men or ball gown for women would be inappropriate.
On the other hand, at a dance lesson at your local studio, there
is usually no need to dress formally.
A little common
sense goes a long way. Also, if in doubt, follow the crowd! See
what others do and follow suit. If all else fails, you can always
ask the dance organizers about the dress code.
Below are guidelines
and explanations for dress codes, which you may see on invitations
and announcements, as well as a general idea of what to wear at
different dance venues.
White
tie: White tie is the most formal category
of dressing. For the gentleman, it means a black tailcoat with matching
trousers trimmed by ribbon of braid or satin on the outside of each
trouser leg, a white pique' tie, white pique' single or double-breasted
vest, and a wing-collar shirt with a stiff pique' front. White gloves
are nice optional accessories for gentlemen. The lady appears in
a ball gown, which is an evening dress with a full skirt, possibly
with open back and low neck line. Elbow-length gloves are a nice
addition for the lady.
Black
tie: Gentlemen in black tuxedo coat, trousers
trimmed with satin ribbon along the outside of the legs, cummerband
and bow tie. The phrase "black tie'' does not refer
to the color of the tie. In fact colorful ties (with matching
cummerbands) are very popular. Ladies appear in ball gowns.
Black
tie optional: Same as above, except gentlemen
have the option of wearing a regular suit with a tie (bow tie preferred),
and ladies wear a cocktail gown or dinner dress. Long to full-length
skirts are preferred; short skirts are not recommended.
Formal:
Gentlemen in suit and tie (nowadays a sport coat is often an acceptable
replacement for a full suit), ladies in cocktail gown or evening
dress.
Semi-formal:
Gentlemen in dress slacks with dress shirt and tie, jacket is optional.
Other options include a vest or a sweater that shows the tie. At
the lower end of formality, these events can be attended without
a tie, e.g. with a turtleneck and jacket. Ladies in evening dress
or dinner dress, but other chic outfits are also acceptable (like
flowing pants, etc.)
Dressy
Casual: Applies to most practice dances, workshops,
and dance lessons. Gentlemen can wear coton slacks with solid color
T-shirt, turtleneck, mock turtleneck, or polo shirt. Ladies have
a much wider set of clothing options. Use your imagination and sense
of fashion. In general this is a conservative and toned-down appearance
that has grown increasingly popular on the dance floors. Don't forget
your dance shoes!
Country/Western:
Country western attire has variations across the country, but generally
it is acceptable to go in blue or black jeans (not stone-washed)
and cowboy boots. Make sure that the boots will not mark the dance
floor. If you wear a hat, it may be a good idea to take it off when
going on the floor. Note that country western folks can be very
sensitive about their hats. It is improper to touch or otherwise
handle someone's hat, even if it sits on a table. For a lady to
pick up and put on a gentleman's hat is considered very flirtatious.
Milongas:
(Argentine Tango) For both ladies and gentlemen, black or dark themes
are preferred.
Latin:
This refers to venues that specialize in Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia,
etc. For gentlemen, any button-up shirt, solid T-shirt or mock turtleneck,
dress slacks, and dance shoes. Jackets are nice, but a vest can
be even more stylish. Unlike most other dance venues, bright and
colorful outfits for gentlemen are acceptable, although dark themes
are more common. Ladies can (and often do) wear sexy outfits: both
short skirts and longer slit skirts are popular. Low necklines and
exposed midriffs are not uncommon.
Swing:
There are no strict rules for swing outfits. Both the Gentleman
and the Lady wear outfits that are reasonably neat and chic, although
often not very formal. Many types of swing are fast-paced and athletic,
so wearing suitable clothing is essential. For example, the Lady
would be well advised to stay away from short, tight skirts. See
also the next section on Comfort and Safety. A cute trend, especially
in Lindy Hop circles, is to wear vintage outfits from the 1930's
and 40's. But this is not done everywhere and is not at all a requirement.
4. Comfort and safety:
Wear clothing that makes it easy and enjoyable to dance, both for
yourself and your partner.
Regardless of how informal the dance is, always wear dance shoes.
Do not wear sneakers or other
shoes with rubber or spongy soles. They can
stick to the floor during turns and spins and cause ankle and knee
injuries.
Avoid sleeveless
shirts and strapped dresses, especially for active dancing: It is
not pleasant to have to touch the damp skin of a partner.
Sleeves that
are baggy or cut low in the armpit are not a good idea, especially
in Latin and swing dancing, because dancers need access to partner's
back, and hands may get caught in baggy sleeves.
Accessories
like big rings, watches, brooches, loose/long necklaces, and big
belt buckles can be dangerous. They can catch in partner's clothing,
scratch and bruise.
Gentlemen:
if you have no place to leave your keys and loose change, carry
them in the *left* pocket of your trousers. This
makes it less likely to bruise your partner.
Long hair should
be put up or tied in a pony tail. It is difficult to get into closed
dance position when the lady has long flowing hair (hair gets caught
in gentleman's right hand). It is also not fun to be hit in the
face with flying hair during turns and spins.
5. Personal Grooming:
Dancing is an activity where two people come in close contact. Before
a dance:
Shower and use a deodorant.
Brush teeth and use mouthwash or breath mint.
Abstain from foods that produce strong odors, like those heavy in
garlic.
The odor of cigarettes on one's breath or clothing can be very unattractive.
During a dance:
Check your grooming periodically.
During active dance sessions, freshen up and towel off periodically
in the bathroom.
Gentlemen, you can carry an extra shirt with you to the dance, in
case you need a change.
back to top
6.
Asking for a Dance:
When asking for a dance, it is easiest to stay with traditional
phrases:
" May I have this dance?''
"May I have this Waltz/Rumba/Foxtrot/etc.''
"Would you like to dance?''
"Care to dance?''
"Shall we dance?''
In the past it has been the tradition that men asked women to dance.
But this custom has gradually changed. Today, women should feel
equally comfortable asking a partner for a dance, even in a formal
setting.
If your desired partner is with a group, be unambiguous and make
eye contact when asking for a dance. If you vaguely approach a group,
two individuals may think you are asking for a dance. You can imagine
that the one not getting the dance is going to be miffed. Let's
avoid such awkward moments by a decisive approach and solid eye
contact.
What if you
want to ask someone to dance, who is enganged at the moment in a
conversation? Is it acceptable to interrupt a conversation to ask
someone to dance? Some would say that one's presence in a dancing
establishment indicates a desire for dancing and everyone is fair
game. Others say that interrupting a conversation is rude.
In my opinion,
ask someone to dance if you think he/she is ready to dance and will
enjoy dancing with you at that moment. This requires you to be a
good judge of the moment. Also, if you know someone well enough
to know they don't mind being interrupted, then go ahead and ask
them.
Perhaps one
way to handle this is to walk gently to the edge of your intended
partner's "personal space", which is about 3-4 feet (one
meter). It will give you an opportunity to ask them to dance. If
your presence is not acknowledged, then it may be a good idea to
find someone else for that dance.
Exercising common
sense and social skills is always a good idea. If someone is sitting
closely with their significant other, whispering sweet nothings
to each other, then it is probably not a good time to ask either
of them for a dance. Now a different scenario: your intended partner
is cornered by a bore and being lectured on weather patterns in
lower Namibia. You can advance and stand close. Once your intended
partner makes eye contact with you, smile and say: "Dance?''
Usually, that is enough to do the job. If not, it is better to leave
him/her to learn about weather patterns in lower Namibia.
Sometimes two
individuals simultaneously ask someone for a dance. In that situation,
dance etiquette recommends that the object of attention should accept
one of the dances, while offering a later dance to the other one.
back to top
7.
Whom to Ask:
If each person dances with only one or two others, the social dynamics
of dancing will be compromised. For that reason, dance etiquette
strongly encourages everyone to dance with many different partners.
This is to ensure a diversity of partnerships on the floor, and
to give everyone a chance to dance. Specifically, dance etiquette
rules against asking the same partner for more than two consecutive
dances.
One of the common violations of this rule occurs when someone dances
most of the night with their escort. The ruling of etiquette in
this case is much the same as for the traditional (formal) dinner
parties: one never sits down to dinner next to one's spouse. It
is assumed that if spouses were interested primarily in talking
with one another, they could have stayed home together. By the same
token, going to a social dance demonstrates a desire to dance socially.
This means dancing with a host of partners, and not just with one
or a select few. I have heard a version of this rule that reserves
the first and last dance of the evening to be done with one's escort,
and other dances with others.
People
generally tend to dance with others at their own level, but you
should try to dance socially with partners of all levels.
Dance etiquette frowns disapprovingly on those who only dance with
the best dancers on the floor. Although this is not a terrible offense,
it is still bad form. Better dancers are especially advised to ask
beginners to dance. Not only does this help the social dynamics
of a dance, it also helps the better dancer (although it is outside
the scope of this discussion to explain why or how).
Unfortunately,
there are some social dancers who consider themselves too good to
dance with beginners, who cannot ``keep up'' with their level of
dancing. It is often the case that these dancers are not as good
as they think. They need good partners because only good partners
can compensate for their mistakes, bad technique, or other inadequacies.
The truly good dancers often seek the challenge of dancing with
those at lower levels, and enjoy it. Good dancers make their partners
look good.
back to top
8.
Declining a Dance:
Being declined is always unpleasant. For beginners and shy individuals
it is even harder to take, and may discourage them from social dancing.
Dance etiquette requires that one should avoid declining a dance
under most circumstances. For example, there is no correct way of
refusing an invitation on the basis of preferring to dance with
someone else. According to tradition, the only graceful way of declining
a dance is either (a) you do not know the dance, (b) you need to
take a rest, or (c) you have promised the dance to someone else.
The last excuse should be used only sparingly. When declining a
dance, it is good form to offer another dance instead: "No,
thank you, I'm taking a break. Would you like to do another dance
later?'' Also, declining a dance means sitting out the whole song.
It is inconsiderate and outright rude to dance a song with anyone
after you have declined to dance it with someone else. If you are
asked to dance a song before you can ask (or get asked by) your
desired partner, that's the luck of the draw. The choices are to
dance it with whomever asked first, or to sit out the dance.
Does dance etiquette
allow declining a dance outside of the cases mentioned above? The
answer is yes, if someone is trying to monopolize you on the dance
floor, make inappropriate advances, is unsafe (e.g. collides with
others on the floor), or is in other ways unsavory, you are within
the bounds of etiquette to politely but firmly decline any more
dances. Perhaps the simplest, best way is to say "No, thank
you,'' without further explanation or argument. Dancers are encouraged
to use discretion and restraint when exercising this option.
9.
Being Declined:
The first thing to do when one is turned down for a dance is to
take the excuse at face value. Typical social dance sessions can
be as long as three to four hours, and there are few dancers who
have the stamina of dancing non-stop. Everyone has to take a break
once in a while, and that means possibly turning down one or two
people each time one takes a break. The advice to shy dancers and
especially beginners is not to get discouraged if they are turned
down once or twice.
However, since social dancers are generally nice and polite, being
repeatedly declined can be a signal. In that case, it is a good
idea to examine one's dancing and social interactions to see if
anything is wrong.
back
to top
10.
On the Dance Floor
11.
Line of Dance:
The dancing on a floor is done
along a counter clockwise direction, known as the Line Of Dance.
This applies to traveling dances including Waltz, Foxtrot, Tango,
Quickstep, and Viennese Waltz, as well as Polka and two-step in
the country western repertoire. Latin and Swing dances are more
or less stationary and have no line of dance. Sometimes it is possible
to dance more than one type of dance to the same song. For example,
some Foxtrots can also be swings, and many Lindy Hop songs are just
great for Quickstep. In that case, swing dancers take the middle
of the floor, and the moving dancers move along the periphery in
the direction of the line of dance.
12.
Getting on the floor:
Some caution should be exercised
when getting on the dance floor, especially if the song has already
started and couples are dancing on the floor.
It is the responsibility of incoming couples to make sure that they
stay out of the way of the couples already dancing. Specifically,
before getting into dance position, one should always look opposite
the line of dance to avoid blocking someone's way, or even worse,
causing a collision.
13.
At the end of the dance:
After the dance is finished and before parting, thank your partner.
This reminds me of a social partner who, upon being thanked at the
end of the dance, would answer: "You're welcome!'' This always
gave me a funny feeling. The proper answer to "Thank you!''
on the dance floor is: "Thank you!'' The point is that the
thanks is not due to a favor, but to politeness.
If you enjoyed the dance, let your partner know. Compliment your
partner on her/his dancing. Be generous, even if he/she is not the
greatest of dancers. Be specific about it if you can: "I really
enjoyed that double reverse spin. You led/followed that beautifully!''
If you enjoyed it so much that you would like to have another dance
with him/her again, this is a good time to mention it: "This
Waltz went really great! I'd like to try a Cha-Cha with you later.''
Although remember that dancing too many dances with the same partner
and booking many dances ahead are both violations of social dance
rules.
14.
Leaving the floor:
When a song comes to an end, leave the floor as quickly as it is
gracefully possible. Tradition requires that the gentleman give
his arm to the lady and take her back to her seat at the end of
the dance. While this custom is linked to the outdated tradition
requiring the gentlemen to ask ladies for dances, it is still a
nice touch, although it may be impractical on the more crowded dance
floors. In any case, remember that your partner may want to get
the next dance. Don't keep them talking after the dance is over,
if they seem ready to break away to look for their next partner.
15.
Leaving entrances free:
Some dance floors, especially in country western dance establishments,
have limited access space (most of the periphery is railed). Dancers
and onlookers should avoid blocking these entrances. In particular,
avoid stopping to chat immediately after exiting the dance floor.
Another issue in Country Western dancing regards line dancers, who
sometimes share the floor with other dancers. They should avoid
blocking entrances from the inside while dancing.
16.
Sharing the floor:
Responsible usage of the floor
requires that one stays out of the way of others.
Some figures require a momentary movement against line of dance.
These figures should be executed with great caution on a social
dance floor, and only when there is no danger of collision. Avoid
getting too close to other couples, especially less experienced
ones. Be prepared to change the directions of your patterns to avoid
congested areas. This requires thinking ahead and matching your
patterns to the free areas on the floor (floorcraft). While this
may sound complicated to the novice dancer, it gradually becomes
second nature.
Sharing the floor sometimes means leaving the floor! For example,
if there are too many dancers to fit on the floor, then a considerate
dancer would withdraw every few dances to let everyone dance. The
same idea applies if there aren't the same number of men and women.
Then there is a mismatch and for each song some people will be left
without a partner. If there aren't enough partners, it would be
nice to voluntarily withdraw every few dances so that everyone gets
a chance to dance.
Another aspect
of sharing the floor is to match one's speed to that of others.
In a recent social dance, a particularly tall and handsome couple
caught my eye. They were moving with great speed and skill across
the floor, and I began to enjoy watching them dance. But then I
noticed they were coming dangerously close to other dancers on the
crowded dance floor, and many times other couples came to a stop
and moved out of their way. It was easy to see they were unhappy
about this couple "taking over'' the floor.
back to top
17.
Aerials and choreography:
The only thing to be said about aerials on the social
dance floor is: don't do them.
While they may look ``cool,'' the execution of aerials requires
training by a qualified instructor. Don't do them by yourself unless
you are trained, and certainly don't do them on the social dance
floor. Dancers have been badly hurt by either participating in aerials,
or unluckily being in the proximity of those who did. In fact, in
1996, a swing dancer died during the execution of an aerial. Aerials
can be extremely dangerous, please take this issue seriously.
The same principle applies to other lifts
and drops, as well as choreographed patterns that require a large
amount of floor space.
18.
No-Fault Dancing
Never blame a partner for missed
execution of figures.
Once in a social dance I accidentally overheard a novice couple,
where the lady said: "I can do this step with everyone but
you!'' The fact that she was wrong (I had seen her other attempts)
is irrelevant. The point is that she was unkind and out of line.
Even if the gentleman were at fault, she was not to say something
like that (more about this in the section: "dancing
to the level of partner.'')
Regardless of who is at fault when a dancing mishap occurs, both
parties are supposed to smile and go on. This applies to the better
dancer in particular, who bears a greater responsibility. Accepting
the blame is especially a nice touch for the gentleman. But at the
same time, do not apologize profusely. There is no time for it,
and it makes your partner uncomfortable.
My personal
preference is the following: whenever something untoward happens,
I first see if my partner noticed. Sometimes the partner may not
be aware, for example, that a figure was slightly off-time or that
a fine point in technique was missed, in which case it is better
to let it go. If she has noticed, I just smile and whisper "sorry...''
and go on, regardless of whose fault it was.
back
to top
19.
Did Your Partner Enjoy the Dance?
20.
Dancing to the level of partner:
It often happens that the two partners dancing socially are not
at the same level. It is important that the more experienced partner
dances at the level of the less experienced partner. This is mostly
a comment for leaders: when dancing with a new partner, start with
simple figures, and gradually work your way up to more complicated
patterns. You will discover a comfort level, file it away in memory
for the next time you dance with the same partner.
The same principle applies to Latin and Swing followers, although
to a lesser degree. Doing extra syncopations, footwork, free spins
etc. can be distracting and even intimidating for a less experienced
leader. Although I must say that the show-off follower is rather
rare; most of the violations of this sort are by leaders who lead
inexperienced partners into complicated figures.
21.
Being sensitive to partner's preferences:
Social dancers strive to make their partners comfortable and help
them enjoy the dance. This requires sensitivity to the likes and
dislikes of the partner. These preferences can take a variety of
forms. For example, I remember that one of my West Coast Swing social
partners found neck wraps uncomfortable. In the same manner, some
dancers don't like spins (or many spins in a row), while others
really enjoy them. Some like extended syncopations and others don't.
There are many more examples in various dance venues. Be sensitive
to your partners. It is not too hard to detect their likes and dislikes,
and if in doubt, ask.
22.
Demeanor:
Be personable, smile, and make eye contact with your partner. Try
to project a warm and positive image on the dance floor, even if
that is not your personal style. Many of us lead hectic lives that
include a difficult balance between study, work, family, and other
obligations. Having a difficult and tiring day, however, is not
an acceptable excuse for a depressing or otherwise unpleasant demeanor
on the dance floor. Because of the setting of a social dance, we
do not always dance with our favorite partners. This is also not
grounds for a cold treatment of the partner. Once one asks or accepts
a dance, it is important to be outwardly positive, even if not feeling
exactly enthusiastic.
The social dancer is also well
advised to be watchful of an unchecked ego.
While a healthy sense of self is helpful in all social interactions,
it is more attractive when mixed with an equal dose of modesty.
Don't let perceived dancing abilities or physical attractiveness
go to your head. It is helpful to remember that overestimating one's
dance prowess or attractiveness is quite common.
back to top
23.
Teaching on the Floor
There are two aspects to this point of etiquette:
24.
Unsolicited
teaching:
This is unfortunately one of the more common breaches of dance etiquette.
This often happens when a dancer
stops in the middle of a song to correct his or her partner, or
tell them how to execute a dance figure. Ironically,
this error is often committed by individuals who are not fit to
teach! Experienced social dancers
dance at the level of their partners. Even
for experienced dancers, the social dance floor is not the place
to teach or to correct your partner. It is better to concentrate
on patterns that both partners can do and enjoy. Unsolicited teaching
can be humiliating and takes the fun out of dancing.
25.
Soliciting teaching on the floor:
This is not necessarily a flagrant violation. For many, it is flattering
to be consulted about a point of dancing. However, a little care
and caution is always a good idea. Consider this hypothetical scenario:
A polite dancer is excited when his favorite song comes on, and
he asks the closest stranger for the dance. He really wants to dance
this song, but she replies: "I have never done this dance before.
Can you please teach me?''
It is debatable how much one can learn, from scratch, in the 2-3
minutes a typical song plays, but that is beside the point. This
is a song he really wants to dance to. For this or any other reason,
he may not wish to spend time at that moment teaching someone, but
she has left him no polite way of getting out. In this situation:
(a) She doesn't know him (so cannot justify the imposition based
on friendship), (b) she solicits teaching at the time he is asking
her to dance, which puts him at a disadvantage, and (c) she does
not know anything about the dance, so he cannot say: "let's
just do basic steps.''
Of course it's
not always that bad. Dancers can learn quite a bit from each other
in social dancing; observing a few simple points will make things
enjoyable for all:
Don't say "teach
me" the moment someone asks you to dance. If they are shy,
they will feel trapped, will spend the next few minutes with you,
and then for the rest of the night will avoid you like the plague.
If they are not so shy, they will not teach you, and for the rest
of the night will avoid you like the plague.
A good approach
is the following: when asked to dance, one can say "I would
like to, but I don't know the dance.'' This shows that help would
be appreciated, but without any pressure.
The asker in
this situation can either offer to take the partner on the floor
and do some basic steps, or if s/he is not so inclined, take it
as a decline of dance: "Oh, it would have been fun, perhaps
we can do a different dance later?''
It is better
to request help from friends, or at least someone you have had a
dance or two with already, rather than someone you just met. If
anythings, this is a great motivation to make friends in the dance
community.
If
you want to get pointers from someone, wait until s/he sits out
a dance. Then go talk to her/him. This way they are not missing
out on a dance by helping you.
26.
Summary:
Etiquette will ensure everyone has a good time in a social
dance setting, so pay attention to it.
Your
outfit and accessories should be comfortable, safe, and also reflect
the culture and level of formality of the dance group. Most importantly,
do not forget your dance shoes.
Ask
everyone to dance. Do not monopolize one partner for the whole night.
Today's
beginners will be the good dancers of tomorrow, so be nice to them
and dance with them.
Do
not decline a dance unless you absolutely have to. Having declined
a dance, you cannot dance the same song with someone else.
Be
considerate of other couples on the floor. Exercise good floorcraft.
Do not cut other couples off. No aerials or choreographed steps
on the social dance floor!
Stationary
dancers (e.g. Swing dancers) stay in the middle, traveling dancers
move on the boundary along the line of dance.
Avoid
patterns that your partner cannot do: dance to the level of your
partner.
Never
blame your partner for missteps.
No
unsolicited teaching on the floor!
Smile,
be warm, be personable, be nice.
back to top
|
